Sunday, 24 June 2012
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Thoughts on (Online) Friendships
This medium that we all use so frequently, has changed the very fabric of humanity. What was once a thick finely threaded blanket, is now a thin sheet of menial connections. The internet is ruining humans.
I came to this thought when I opened up my computer this morning. I did not roll over and smother my man in kisses, instead, I daintily unplugged my laptop (that was laying carelessly under my bed since it was the last thing i touched before falling asleep) and tip toed out of our bedroom to perch on the couch with coffee mug in hand.Like every morning for as long as I can remember, I logged in to my various social networks to see what had happened overnight. Upon first glance, these networks are relatively harmless, but upon further inspection, they are black holes to our narcissistic beings, sucking the life force and the precious time away from us with increasingly nefarious speeds.
Dont get me wrong, I enjoy the connection too. I believe those connections are positive in many ways- psychologically for that very connection we share, mentally, for the way it stretches our brains and lets us educate ourselves and each other. While there are some benefits to social media, Im also seeing some big downfalls too. Particularly in the way I perceive 'friends.'
A friend is someone with whom you spend time, share stories, engage. A friend is someone whom you can lean on, emote with, be silly and playful. A friend, is someone who supports you, encourages you, and challenges you. Can you have friends whom you only engage online? Sure. But are they there when you really need them, or only until they log in next?
Why is it that we keep friends on your radar, when they serve no purpose to us? Why do we see 'unfriending' as the ultimate diss? The nail in the coffin and the severence of ties, when in reality, the lack of any sort of life integration with one another, should really be the sign that there is no substantial friendship. Why does it hurt when someone doesnt want to be our online friend?
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Comments (9)
Everyone has a different agenda. On Xanga I never request friendship but only sub to people. I don't write anything here so why go through all the friending bs.
I understand what you mean, but, some of my best friends have been made online, some on this very site. I do take these friendships seriously, and I try to be there for them like they are for me.
shunning works...otherwise it'd not be a hallmark of religious circles. but boundaries are important, few places feel free where it is easy to simply be ourselves. also unlike real life where we're prone to anger or fighting back, here it's simple...the indifference of silence is like real life far more effective. so, boundaries work. thus an online friend while not really dependable for extortion is probably just as true of a friend as any we know in real life. because if they care we know but neither of us has to respond- we keep many of those who do. ::D now feel free to remind me I haven't commented in a year for the haha ;)
It doesn't both me if someone unfriends me, nor does it bother me when someone doesn't want to be my friend (assuming that the ties are like you said - minimal at best). What does bother me is when I text and talk to people I met online all the time - every day even - and then I get erased from memory as if I'd never existed.
Petty detail: I liked the use of the word "emote" in your post.
~Random Thought~
@brown_buffalo - That's odd. I seldom subscribe but often befriend. It allows me to be picky over the member who I want to read vs. those I only want to follow casually.
These are great questions. I just got blocked by a girl after giving her a great compliment. She obviously has issues and bad experiences in her past so for me to take it personally would be immature. We have to understand that other people have issues and we get the blame many times. We just have to realize that and not take it personal.
I've been meaning to write something like this for a while. It is very similar to things I have said to people before. Very well written and nice to see you back again!
It's nuts how much of an importance people have come to hold on the status of their online friendship. If one person deletes the other person, it signifies to that deleted person that the friendship is over. Not just the online friendship, but the actual one itself outside of the computer. When people start dating, they feel a great need to express it publicly through facebook through updating their relationship status. "It's not facebook official so it must not be true" There have been pregnant women updating their facebook status when they're about to give birth to their baby.
Anyway, I think if we were to invest more of our time into people in person, relationships would bloom. I definitely believe there are positive things that come out of social networking and blogging. But at the same time, we are wasting hours away that can be poured into something more fulfilling and useful. We can feel drained after a while and lessen the quality of friendships outside of the computer.
One last thought.. I think sometimes we can form these wonderful friendships online and think less of the friendships we hold in real life. It's far easier to filter yourself online than it is in person. There are things you can not hide in person. There are situations and conflicts that occur in person. So while an online friendship can seem like cookie cutter perfect, there's a reason for that. It's healthy to better develop your friendships outside of the computer. But I think everything comes down to creating a healthy balance.
I'm just thinking as I go.